April 11, 2010

Henry knows.

I'm at their house, wrestling and laughing with their children. Being a mother and friend and confidant with Ruby feels normal. Yes I want her. Yes I close my eyes and picture the things I want to explore with her. But first, she is a best friend.

I know she has shared her desires with Henry. I know he knows about the open conversations we have had about her sexuality. That it is something I struggle with as well. For the first time I feel like the other woman and not because we have done anything. Hell, I resist touching her if I can. But I can't make eye contact with Henry. I say stupid things to pass the time until he leaves for school or work...or was I the one leaving? Yes. I want to hug her goodbye as usual- but we don't. It feels insulting to think of pressing my body against hers in front of him. I leave, wondering what she is thinking about my behavior.

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